he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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