Having a random hookup so left but love u
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
