WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
