so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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