I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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