He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
