it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
