Non-Jews are for practice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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