found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
