So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
