I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
