so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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