did you get engaged???
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize