Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
