Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
