He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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