I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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