Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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