Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
