I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
