He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
