Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
