can u get pink eye on your cock?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
