I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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