OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
