So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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