Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
