One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
