i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
