I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
