I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
