Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
