oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
