I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
