she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
