never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
