Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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