My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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