I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
