I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize