His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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