i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
