I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
