Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
