We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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