I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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