Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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