in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
