you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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