I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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