3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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