Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
