If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
