I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you never un-have a 4some
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
