I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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