You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
