Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
