Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize