Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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