please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
