I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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