I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
