hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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