there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
