my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
