This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
