bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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