batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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