i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
