I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
