Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
