i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
