And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
