I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
